Mis(s)Understood

So, after three and half months of bleakness, my space is finally re-visited. I have to confess that I am avoiding here because I just do not have the mood to write in English, which is pretty hard for someone who seldom speaks any of the language in its homeland! Anyway..this is not what I am here today for, but rather, I would like to write about one of the inspirations I got these days.

 

For the past twenty-two years, I used to look for settlement and permanency and hate the helplessness of having to change! That has been reflected in every instance of my life, just that only now I start to realise and make a connection to the psychology behind. For example, I hate packing and unpacking at the end and the beginning of each academic year and have always been longing for my own apartment where I can dump all my treasured stuff without having to move at least once a year! Another less obvious trend is that I have always been saying things like "after my exams I will do this this this..";"after the new year show I will start that, that, that"...it seems I am always setting myself a starting point, when everything else is cleared so that I can focus on the 'this' or 'that' although more often than not, the expected focus is absent. What I am trying to say is people are always on the move and the reality does not allow us to settle one thing AFTER another and fixed things are NEVER FIXED. We should expect unexpected changes.

 

The word 'change' have not been sounding positive to me and I doubt it will be. However, after realising the harsh fact, I think I can at least label it as 'neutral', (which it is supposed to be). Like in physics, I call this resist to change 'inertia' and I guess it is inborn and at a subconscious level (to explain why I have only realised now, lol).

 

Changes can be classified into two categories under my discussion: the unavoidable and the unexpected. The packing, unpacking and moving are predicted and inevitable; the sudden change of a planned route, the cancelling of flights and the delay of results-posting are not expected. Coming to the financial system, the distinction is not so clear between the two. For example, when a bubble is forming, the burst of the bubble is expected, but exactly when and how is unknown.

 

These changes permeate our life to such an extent that we do not even consciously account for their existence. If we do, however, our life can be so disturbed that we may have difficulties moving on. And ignoring or avoiding the undesirables has a history as ancient as the very existence of the human race. Yet many of us have lost a lot over this ignorance and indifference. To conquer that, we need to get ready for changes, especially the unexpected ones, instead of dreaming of the coziness of quiescency. By getting ready for the enexpected changes - paradox it may sounds - I mean being prepared to be able to react swiftly and decisively according to the circumstances.

 

There is supposed to be a conclusion to wrap up the passage, but I am too lasy to do the summary. ;p lol...

Can't recall for how long I have not used this phrase. It is just so difficult yet life is more difficult to care about everything. Sad

So she takes back her finger.

    Just a split second, she has felt the chill out there.

No hurry.

      Readiness is all that matter.

Dear Dad & Mum

 

I have always been so grateful for your love and support of me for the past 22 years. I thought you had given me all that I needed - the financial and mental support, a cozy home and the values that makes me a person of integrity. Until recently, however, when the cruelty of the real world toppled down my little naive kingdom, I started questioning: why have my parents not told me all these? Probably you wanted to shun the reality from me and let me enjoy the superficial world for as long as possible. Unfortunately what you have done is to paint your daughter an extremely simplified version of reality and leave her to be grilled by the true world, TOTALLY UNPREPARED.

 

I know you are a bit different from other parents because you yourselves have little experience of the true complex society out there since you have always been working in universities. And that is probably the reason why you do not find it necessary to tell me about all these. But those are the surviving skills in this civilized animal world. Isn't it more cruel to acquaint me with the harsh reality all of a sudden? Then I thought of an entry by 'Grandpa' and he mentioned '然后一定要感谢爸妈，虽然你们在学习上没怎么管我或是帮我，也没有从小培养我一技之长（每次都是让我半途而废了），但我现在明白了学习好不好，有没有一技之长都不是那么的重要，重要的是 foster my own philosophy, which stay with me'. Philosophy...something to ponder over the summer...

 

Anyway, any complaint would be so ungrateful. I just hope that when I have someone that I want to protect, I will prepare him for what he is going to face. When he gets hurt, I will ask him not to escape from the fire, but to overcome it.

 

With Love

xx

Sometimes I can't help thinking that we live in a world exactly the same as the animals', I mean, even after thousands of years of civilization, we are still facing the natural rule of selection: The best get the rights of survival and the weaker ones get wiped out from the spectrum of species. It is just that the advancements have given us ever greedier desire, but still, the pie has not become bigger to allow more people to get satisfied. Getting into a good school does not secure you anything, but just more intense competition. The point is no matter how high you climb, you are always at some distance from your goal and find it tougher and tougher to continue. I guess this is how the society, or rather, we position ourselves: you will be positioned wherever you decide to stop.

 

Well I know it does not seem to be quite related, but I did think about this at the same time: I do not like elections and therefore I just do not see the reason why there needs to be democracy. Yes, you may argue that everyone has a right to vote, to choose their preferred leader, but what if the majority does not even care about who will be the leader? A very good example: the SU election.  I was once been innocently thinking 'wow, how cool is that?-to be elected as the president of the SU in a university and you will be the man/woman for the entire student body.' Yet when I was busy getting FT or rushing to different talks, I could care no less for the election of SU, no matter how a post there will glorify one's CV. And it is just natural that I did not spend a second reading their manifestos and did not even vote for all the posts available - I just ticked a couple of names that the person on Houghton street distributing flyers asked me to. Don't think I am the only one doing this...at least I see no one around me really care about who are in the SU - probably it is only because I am surrounded by the Chinese community, but I doubt how many people on Houghton street can answer this question: "who is the current president of the SU and some of his basic particulars like his major and year of study?" What is the point to hold an election like this if the elected committee has not really been examined carefully by the voters who do not care about the results? It is then, a competition of publicity. I know a capable person must be able to market himself, as part of the package, but is ability proportional to one's eloquence? Well, at least people judge this way.

 

I admit that i have been ignorant about politics because I'm not obssessed in power. Yet as I grow older and become more mature, I do resent being powerless. So I force myself to care more about politics, starting from the American Election. While I have not obtained a complete picture and apparently none of the candidate is remarkably stronger than his/her rivals, I do wish Hillary Clinton will win, to have the first female president in America's history. This inclination started when I was applying for Wellesley college and has been lasted till now even I could never declare myself as her alumna. lol...I wish I could re-apply for Wellesley now as I still fancy this school.

 

Now I understand this world better, and see how imperfect and disappointing it is. Hope it is not too late...life is so complicated.

I had a great time for the past weekend ^^

Thanks to the lovely sunshine, for driving the clouds away, both in London and on my mind~

Thanks to Meng Tian, for visiting us and bringing with her the great stories of that beautiful island~how amazing it is that we came from the same city and only got to know each other in Singapore, and finally met in London~

Thanks to Yandi, a bright and easy-going little girl~for spending a pleasant afternoon with us~It again proves that the world is small~

Thanks to Tang Zhe, for 'getting up so early' to meet us~;p

 

I guess this must be the happiest weekend I have ever had since I came to London:) What a beautiful day!

 

 

P.S. saw a cutie Easter bunny in the Wool****** Shop, 好きですよ～

P.S.S. I think the third pic can be a postcard le, and Louisa's comment was that it did not look like London =.=" lol...The Big Ben is there o~

To my dearest star in the sky, so shiny yet so distant.

Nonetheless I smile even when I am just watching you so far away.

Will I ever see you again?

When this summer comes, can I expect a surprise from you?

 

Suddenly...missing last summer

After reading snowman's blog, I felt a shame for my poor command of English..We have gone through the same English courses and had the same access to the resources, but the difference is lying there glaringly and the causes of that no less obvious than itself.

No regret. I have no right to.

A decision is made.

I shall blog in English from now on. No matter how hard it is for me to express myself and no matter how funny it looks. No shame and pain, no gain~

We can never have a brand new re-start. Hopefully I do not need to regret at the later stage of my life.

今天的econs lecture格外inspiring！虽然我还是听到一半睡着了，但是让我想通了自己现在一切不快乐或者压抑的罪魁祸首：

首先，不快乐是因为有挫败感，或者没有得到自己预想的成就感；压抑是因为竞争太激烈。

为什么会这样呢？

整个lecture就发现了这个万恶的根源~

因为自己不够优秀，才会被拒绝或者得到不好的评语，所以会被打击到；

因为自己不够优秀，才会在得不到的时候感到失落，降低心情；

因为自己不够优秀，所以才会觉得竞争压力大，因为周围的人都很优秀，担心输给他们是正常的，自然会压抑~

这个发现同等让人郁闷，因为不甘心。

也许我没有过人的才智，但是大家不是经常说努力会成功的么？前两天刚看完Jolin地才唯舞独尊影音记录才受启发说只要努力就能成功，但是落在自己身上才明白努力并不是握着拳头深呼吸然后说”頑張って”或者小猪的口号“加油！加油！加油油！”的事情，而是真的用泪水和汗水换来的吧。步步的左耳失明了都没有放弃唱歌，那样坚持着，那小可也没有什么理由放弃吧，毕竟身上还寄托着那么多爱我关心我的人的众望。也许成功就是在心酸中还能咬牙坚持得住。这场看不到尽头的马拉松赛只有不放弃才有希望吧。